Thursday, November 17, 2011

RIP Zach

Just learned this morning that I've lost another friend. This is becoming too much, especially considering how young these friends are. RIP, Zach. Love you, and still support you.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Please understand...

That though I post certain quotes, thoughts, musings, etc. on Twitter or Facebook or whatever, this does not mean I am in despair.  There are courses dedicated to picking apart people's words, and nine times out of ten, the blue curtains did not represent anything, did not intentionally contain symbolism.  The curtains were simply fucking blue.

This is why I often disappear from Facebook (well, there are several reasons, but it's a big one).  My words apparently have a strange power that, when read in what is clearly a fiction form (book, short story, etc.) are taken as deep or entertaining or whatever.  But in a Facebook post for example, they are often taken as me saying "Hug me. I'm in a pit of despair and can't take care of myself and need electronically-transmitted love and coddling." While I very much appreciate that people care, it is often misinterpreted.

I would like to site my most recent Twitter post:

I've decided, fuck it. I've failed enough times in my life. I can afford to fail again.

Though I can see how it could be taken as a negative thing, in fact it was intended as quite the opposite. I have failed several times, in career, in life, in love. What it meant is, I know what it's like to fail. I know what it's like to crash and burn and just barely make it out alive. I've been there, more times that I care to admit. Saying Fuck it, I can afford to fail again, it was me saying I haven't given up. That I'm still trucking and taking new risks, and fear of failure is not a factor.  Failure might be the outcome, but you will neither fail nor succeed if you don't do anything.  I was saying, Even if you've failed before, that is still no reason to give up.

I appreciate concerned emails but please don't misinterpret me.  If something I post worries you, simply ask if I'm okay, rather than send froo-froo emails and unnecessary words of encouragement for something that does not exist. Without knowing what's going on, the well-intended words become discouragement, and then my interpretation is that the kind words bestowed upon me from people who don't know what's going on are actually belittling.  So, please, simply ask. I'm honest enough that I will tell you if life is fine or life is shit.

In other words, please do not assume.  It can be a form of talking down to someone, and what had been a wonderful moment of inspiration for me can then be doused in kerosene and set ablaze.  It's all in how we interpret things.  Interpret my fiction, that's fine. Please don't interpret a simple statement or random musing and then turn it into the state of my life.

Again, please ask before jumping to conclusions.

Thank you.